Well, there is some truth in this statement. OK, maybe not literally... but there is evidence that suggest men and women communicate differently.
Lakoff (1973) proposed a theory called: "Women's Language" which suggested that the spoken language used by women used devices that are inferior and powerless in comparison to men. But oh boy was she wrong.
Although there was some truth in stating that there is a difference between the spoken language of men and women, much of the empirical support points the inferiority in the opposite direction. Holmes (1985) conducted a series of research that looked at two devices which Lakoff suggested women used that made their language inferior in comparison. These were hedges ("I think") and tag questions ("don't you?"). Holmes found that, lo and behold, most women used these devices to indicate certainty and to facilitate conversation. In contrast, most of the men used these devices with opposite intentions, suggesting that it is actually the "Man's Language" that is inferior.
Women also think that men don't listen, and men think that women are controlling. True? Well, perhaps it's due to communication conflict. Women nod along more frequently to show that they understand the conversation, whereas men feel the need to do this less. This can then be incorrectly interpreted, and thus... leading both sexes thinking the opposite is a bad communicator.
So remember... communication is one of the keys in a successful relationship - just don't interpret it the wrong way!
2 comments:
Robin Lakoff (as in Lakoff (1973).. women's language... boy was *he* wrong) is a woman. Just so you know, for next time you want to, um, read her book without noticing something like this. She's actually got some interesting things to say, given the context, but there's been a lot of research done on gender and language since then. To begin, there's a recent edition of Lakoff's book that collects a sample of other papers written since then... Of course, if you're starting with the mars/venus thing, you might not be interested.
Thank you for pointing the typing error, but I am aware that Lakoff is a woman, having done a module on communication. I have changed this error and I would like to point out that this blog is intended for people who are interested in psychology, or would like an insight into different psychological topics, and not for postgraduate academics specializing in communication psychology. Therefore, this post gives an insight into this topic, and is not a meta-analysis of all research into gender differences in language. To achieve this, I write in a more casual manner rather than a scientific paper, which allows the post to reach out to as many people as possible. This should hopefully increase any interest people may have in psychology. Also, the title of this post is the same title (just the other way round) as a famous book by Gray, J. (1995), and not just a common pseudo phrase. More recently, there has been a publication by Cameron D. (2007) called The Myth of Mars and Venus, with a very similar title. References are given below. Maybe you should rethink all of the above points before indulging yourself in rudeness anonymously.
Cameron, D. (2007). The Myth of Mars and Venus. Oxford: Oxford University Press.
Gray, J. (1995). Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. London: Thorsons.
Holmes, J. (1985). Sex differences and miscommunication: some data from New Zealand. In J.B. Pride (Ed.) Cross-cultural Encounters: Communication and Miscommunication (pp. 24-43). Melbourne: River Seine.
Holmes, J. (1986). Functions of you know in women's and men's speech. Language in Society, 15, 1-22.
Lakoff, R. (1973). Language and women's place. Language in Society, 2, 45-80.
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